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THE SKULL
She was just a newborn calf
From a longhorn mama
Born when the year was over by half
When the range was full of springtime drama
Playful days and hidden nights
She grew all summer long
A heifer learning her rights
Grazing to build up strong
Producing each year, as she should
A new calf to marvel at the wonders
To take her own place in the world
And increase the herd's numbers
But time has its way
And her glory days soon were over
She wandered off like a stray
And laid down to die in the clover
There she stayed but still she served
Like a sleeping beauty waiting for a prince
Like a dividend after a bonus earned
Fast food for vultures and varmints
Sun bleaching her bones day by day
Her hide decomposing into the ground
Coyotes dragging parts away
Soon, not much left to be found
Just a pair of horns and a skull
No longer grazing but ever gazing at the clouds
Once bleached white bright is now forever dull
Natures way of thinning out the crowds
Then a roaming cowboy stumbles by
Packs off all that remains
A cowboy with an artistic eye
Claims skull and horns of these western plains
With careful study and blueprint diagram
With a single colored bead, he begins to adorn
Honoring an artform as old as Abraham
What once was a fine bovine is now reborn
© 2024 Brian McNeal
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FOLDIN' MONEY
A rich man's galluses are wide and strong
A poor man's empty purse sings a sad song
Holes in his soles tell the story well
But the rich man knows not what he's forgot.
Trousers that never sag with the weight of gold
Who can know how much empty a pocket can hold
Both the same in the game at the toll of the bell
Poor man knows what he ain’t got, rich has only a long-shot.
None can tell which is which with just a glance
One is empty, the other filled with circumstance
Foldin’ money changed the score for rich and poor
Now both swear to wear galluses no more.
Paper money lightened the load for sure
No more ore in the pockets of rich or poor
Presidents in residence in their pockets; Lincolns, Jacksons, Grants
Praise be the man who put foldin’ money in gentlemen's pants.
© 2024 Brian McNeal
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MOUNTAIN CATTLE
Dylan was a wannabe cowboy, a real dandy
He'd come up from the city to pretend he was the real McCoy
He walked and talked the part but he was just watered down brandy
We'd all put up with him until he really started to annoy
One day he invited a city girlfriend up for a ride
She was a looker for sure but not much goin’ on upstairs
We thought Dylan was exasperating but she could skin his hide
She had about as much business being horseback as a mule does sittin’ in a chair
Well about half way through the ride when we were all plumb full
I had to see if I could pull one over on her just for fun
Up on the side of the hill was about a half dozen cows and a bull
I said, “See those cows, those are all mountain cows and they can't run”
She waited a while then said, “How do you know?”
They all just happened to be facing the same direction
So I pointed that out and said, “It's the way their legs grow”
“It's what the doc calls a mountain imperfection”
“You see, the downhill side legs always grow longer”
“If they were to reverse or stand on flatland, they'd all fall down”
I didn't say anymore, figurin’ I couldn't make the argument any stronger
She didn't say anymore either, that is until we got back into town
Sitting at the dinner table, that evening, with more friends
She began telling them all about the mountain cattle she’d seen while we were out
We all began laughing so hard we thought we had the bends
Word for word, she repeated me like she had no doubt
One of our friends at the table was the owner of the Bar-9
To everyone's surprise, he picked up right where I stopped
He told her it was just the opposite on the other side of the county line
“We have to put sticks under ‘em to keep ‘em all propped,”
Well, that was the last time we ever saw Dylan's friend
But I'm sure she's back in town retelling the story of her outing
And the mountain cattle with two legs that extend
Telling it all straight from the horse's mouth without doubting.
But the best part is yet to come from the rancher's Mrs.
She had taken her aside and told her, “Sweetie, those boys are just pulling your leg”
“You don't have to totally buy this”
“It ain't nothin’ but a big fat goose egg”
Then the girlfriend said with a look of surprise,
As if she got her response right from the dumb blonde joke book,
“NO!” “I know it's true ‘cause I saw them cows with my own eyes”
“And if you don't believe me, maybe you should go out there and take a look”
© 2023 Brian McNeal
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NEW, STILL IN BOX
I was reading the Craigslist ads and to my surprise
Something for sale right before my eyes
Brand new, still in the box they said
Why not return it to the store, is what was in my head
Most stores will take back unused and unopened product
With their good customer service, they won't object
Even without the receipt they'll try to make it right
Maybe with a gift card or an exchange if you might
So I just couldn't imagine why they would want to sell
And take a reduced amount - didn't make sence, I felt
But then I noticed several more ads with other stuff
All brand new and still in boxes sure enough
And take a reduced amount - didn't make sence, I felt
But then I noticed several more ads with other stuff
All brand new and still in boxes sure enough
Brass salt N pepper set, crystal champaign flutes, serving set ornate with scrimshaw
Some of the finest and most expensive items I ever saw
One of the for-sale items I could use myself - Old Glory
So I contacted the seller and found out more of the story
Some of the finest and most expensive items I ever saw
One of the for-sale items I could use myself - Old Glory
So I contacted the seller and found out more of the story
Over the phone, he told me they were wedding gifts they didn't want
So, they really didn't want to pay good money to store a bunch of junk
Seems that there were some things they wouldn't put in print
It wasn't what they did that frosts me, but rather what they didn't
So, they really didn't want to pay good money to store a bunch of junk
Seems that there were some things they wouldn't put in print
It wasn't what they did that frosts me, but rather what they didn't
The trouble with younger people today is they have no forward thinking
What's gonna happen when Auntie comes and they hand her a Solo cup for drinking
Or when Uncle Paul calls to ask how they like the gift he sent
They won't even be able to say where the money went
What's gonna happen when Auntie comes and they hand her a Solo cup for drinking
Or when Uncle Paul calls to ask how they like the gift he sent
They won't even be able to say where the money went
Somehow, they feel the nice folks who sent them were rude
To send them stuff they didn't want and could't use
It never entered their mind that the gifts came with love and affection
So they'll throw that away as well, totally void of circumspection
To send them stuff they didn't want and could't use
It never entered their mind that the gifts came with love and affection
So they'll throw that away as well, totally void of circumspection
I'd like to buy it all and hold it till next year
Then send it all back with a note for good cheer
A Christmas present from the ghost of days bygone
Just hope you don't ever spot the gift you sent at their local pawn
Then send it all back with a note for good cheer
A Christmas present from the ghost of days bygone
Just hope you don't ever spot the gift you sent at their local pawn
© 2025 Brian McNeal
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SKIDMORE'S LEATHER CREAM
The stuff I like the best when it comes to carin'
For saddles, tack, boots and cracked feet.
Comes in a jar and is expensive but I don't mind sharin'
The name with anyone cause this stuff can't be beat
But don't ask me to share a little dab
And then dip in with a kitchen ladle
It costs more than a workin' scab
Can make cleanin' stalls in the stable
It's so good it can turn a hunded year old saddle
Into a showpiece fit for front-room display
Made by the same family, about sixty miles north of Seattle,
Who moved west from Laramie in the cowboy state
It's made with natural oils and beeswax
And features two old-timey codgers on the sticker
For about twenty bucks plus the sales tax
You can get six ounces to turn old into new quicker
Skidmore's is the name and if that's hard to remember
Just wipe some on the runners of your sleigh
Then sit around the barn mendin' saddles til about December
Thinkin' of words that rhyme and a message you want to convey
Then drag that ride up to the top of a hill
Squeel with glee and let the wind sting your face
You'll have more fun than a fire drill
When you get to the bottom and can't find the brakes
You'll be skidding more and more all over the ice
And the next time you think you can't remember,
Well, you won't even have to think twice
Skidmore's Cream is a dream for anything made of leather.
© 2024 Brian McNeal
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THE FEED BILL
When the range is poor and you gotta throw groceries to the stock
You make do and give up on things you need
Oh you can finagle and fudge and try to balk
But then you remember, this year's cattle are next year's seed.
So you'll do without that Caribbean cruise this year
And forego the idea of adding on
The only merry-making you'll do is the New Year's cheer
And meanwhile keep on clipping coupons
A prayer for rain and for the grass to grow
Is sent up daily and twice on Sunday
Does he hear or care, who's to know?
You wonder why he's so slow to make the clouds turn grey.
Sell off a few of the unbred cows for funds
So you can pay off a tiny bit of the feed bill
While you ask for a little more hay by the ton
Thank God the feed store operates on good will.
Rancher's credit is something to cherish
It's needed when nature doesn't follow your plan
In order that herd isn't allowed to perish
And you don't end up back where you began.
But when that feed bill comes and it's bigger than you desire
Remember the cruise you're still hoping for
Next year when the cattle prices are higher
And the grass is knee high out your back door.
Send up another prayer and give thanks
For the feed store credit given to you
And the tide-me-over loan from the bank
Just in the knick of time to see you through.
Then, mark it paid and put it in a scrap book
In years to come it will remind you tenderly
Of the ocean cruise you never took
And how you managed the ranch watchfully.
...
© 2024 Brian McNeal
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WHAT TICKS ME OFF
What ticks me off the most about cowboyin'
Is not the cows, but they can be annoyin'
And it's not gettin' up early in the morn
Heck, it was 'fore sunup when I was born.
No, it's not the cold at which I scoff
And it's not the heat that ticks me off
Well, it might be some people I know
And you might think it'd be rustlers, but no.
Sometimes an ornery critter will get me perturbed
Or when the coyotes get the herd disturbed
Or that weathered old barn but all I have to do is paint it.
But that's the job and that still ain't it
Now flies are a pest and that's for sure
And those nasty rattler bites have a cure
If you know me at all, you know it sure as heck ain't politics
No, what vexes me the most are those big fat cow ticks.
...
© 2024 Brian McNeal
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