PARODIES

 

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LOOSE WHEEL

                [A]

This old truck on the highway headed for the feed store

                                                         [E7]

In the fast lane I heard my tire sing

  [Bm]                                             [E7]

I thought it was sour so I listened closer

  [B]                               [E7]                   [A]

I drove straight and right down the lane

When the bumps finally hit her, my tire was a quitter

                                              [A7]     [D]

And I finally heard those radial screams

       [E7]      

I'm forever poor broke and that ain't no bad joke

                                                              [A]

Not a cent in my poke for a bad machine

[A]

In the windshield I saw it and I closely watched it

                                                         [E7]

I thought how it looked out of place

    [Bm]                                     [E7]

It spun off it's lug bolts and went down the highway

[Bm]             [E7]               [A]

Faster than I could keep pace

It's tread was all shredded, it looked like a freak show

                          [A7]                     [D]

For a minute I thought I was dead

              [E7]

Then I started shaking, my check book was breaking

                                                        [A]

I rolled down the window and said:

[A]                                                                       [D]

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel

                                                                         [A]

With four hungry critters this just ain't ideal

[D]

I've had some bad times, lived through some sad times

                                                          [A]

But this time the banker won't deal

                         [E7]                                 [A]

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel.

After she left me, I pulled off the highway

I thought how she made me hike

From the noise of the traffic, it looked really drastic

And I left home without my bike

She was expensive so I got defensive

I must have looked out of my mind

I couldn't hold back, I wished I was horseback

I'm without a spare this time

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel

With four hungry critters this just ain't ideal

I've had some bad times, lived through some sad times

But this time the banker won't deal

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel.

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel

With four hungry critters this just ain't ideal

I've had some bad times, lived through some sad times

But this time the banker won't deal

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel.

_____________________________

True story:  https://youtu.be/vKm9nyDXyS0?

© 2024 Brian McNeal

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COOL WATER

All day I've faced

The bovine waste

And now I haste

For water, cool water

It feels so good just like it should

As it rushes past my toes

A trout swims by, I call him Dan

Around my legs and away he goes

Down the way, just above the dam

With rod in hand, 

Stands the fisherman

Casting flies upon the water

It's early dawn, no time to spawn

Just carry on, 

To safer water

Cool, clear water.

Keep a movin', Dan, don't you let him catch you, Dan

He's no friend, he's a fisherman

And he'll reach his hand down in the water

Cool, clear water.

Dan, don't forget that's a great big net

And he's gotta win his bet

So he's waitin' there to catch you yet

In the cool, clear water

Old Dan and I, we said goodbye

Our souls fly high 

But we remember the water

Cool, clear water, (water)

The fly was mistook, Dan took the hook

Now Dan's in the pan, the fisherman is the cook

Beside the water,

Cool, clear water

I'm a-movin' now, with the cows, headed for the slaughter

I'll be meat on the hook, ready to cook

Just like Dan in the water,

Cool, clear water

Old Dan and I, we said goodbye

Our souls fly high

But we remember the water

Cool, clear water  (Water)

© 2024 Brian McNeal

(With respect to Bob Nolan)

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OLD HIPPIE

I'm an old hippie and I don't know what to do

Should I drive down to the border or just sit here and stew.

Should I support the cause or just wait here and see

It don't seem right somehow but maybe it's just me

I'm just an old hippie confused by what I hear

The world has changed around me and it's not for me, I fear

I turned seventy last Sunday, now my hair has turned to gray

But I still ain't changed my lifestyle, I like it better the old way

The news today has me disturbed beyond control

The politics don't agree and my blood's about to boil

Illegal people still trying to jump the fence

But we need something nowadays in self defence

'Cause what's happening just don't make no sense.

 

I got off on country music but now it's left me cold

My younger friends don't know Kris or Merle

And most of them just want to be a girl

Now my Viet Nam Buddies want my support

Driving down to Texas to build a trucker's fort

I dream at night of disaster in the wake

But can I stay away when there is so much at stake?

'Cause I'm an old hippie and I don't know what to do

Should I drive down to the border or just sit here and stew.

Should I support the cause or just wait here and see

It don't seem right somehow but maybe it's just me

I'm just an old hippie confused by what I hear 

The world has changed around me and it's not for me, I fear.

 

We had this problem back in the sixties but we kept it within our grip

Border Patrol rounded 'em up and sent 'em back on a south-bound trip

I don't have a cell phone or five grand in the bank

But we give 'em all that and more and people wonder why I'm a crank

Now this world has changed around me but I just can't change no more.

I try to stay away a lot now from the radicals on either side
And I'm thinking while I'm drivin' 'round there must be some middle ground to find
But our liberties get more endangered everyday
And pretty soon our world will just up and fade away
Like the fog on my bathroom mirror, just up and fade away

I'm an old hippie and I don't know what to do
Should I drive down to the border or just sit here and stew.
Should I support the cause or just wait here and see
It don't seem right somehow but maybe it's just me

I'm just an old hippie confused by what I hear 

The world has changed around me and it's not for me, I fear.

 

I'm an old hippie and I don't know what to do
Should I drive down to the border or just sit here and stew.
Should I support the cause or just wait here and see
It don't seem right somehow but maybe it's just me

I'm just an old hippie confused by what I hear 

The world has changed around me and it's not for me, I fear.

 

 © 2023 Brian McNeal

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~BETTER SIGNS~

I read where the highway signs are going away

You know, the ones that have something humorous to say

I thought that would be a huge mistake

The guy who made that decision must be a flake

The problem is, some of the message writers lack experience

And the messages may be a bit nefarious

So maybe they should look at a better class of writers

What if some of these folks were the message providers?

 

_by Paul Simon_

Slow down, you drive too fast

You got to make the journey last

Just cruisin' down the Interstate

Looking for fun and feeling groovy

Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy

_by The Eagles_

Take it easy, take it easy

Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy

Slow it down while you still can

Don't even try to beat the man

Just find a place to make your stand

And take it easy

_by Alabama_

No need to hurry to get things done

Don't you rush and rush until life's no fun

Unless all you really want to do is die

No need to hurry when you don't know why

Don't know why you have to drive so fast

Your car has nothing to prove

It's not new

But it'll sure do it's best to kill you

_by Larry Williams_

Come on pretty baby won't you ride with me

Come on pretty baby won't you drive with me

Come on pretty baby give me one more chance

Try to save our road dance

- Slow down -

Baby now you're drivin' way too fast

You gotta gimme little listen

Gimme a little listen - Ow!

If you want our ride to last

_by the Beatles_

Doesn't have to drive so fast

Knows not if his trip will last

Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Motorman please listen

You don't know what you're missin'

Motorman, the road is at your command.

Drives as blind as if he was

He's the kind that drives because

Motorman, can you see me at all

Motorman don't scurry

Take your time, don't hurry

Leave sooner, stay out of the promised land.

_by Willie Nelson_

On the road again

Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway

Like there is no end

Insisting the speed limits go away

And by the way

On the road again

I'll never be able to get on the road again

The life I love has come to a very quick end

'Cause I went speeding down the road again

_by Lindsey Buckingham_

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

Driving too fast ain't too slick

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

I found out long ago

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

Driving to fast is a dangerous road

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

_by Roger Miller_

Trailer's with big dents

Semi trucks with no contents

No cares, no rush, no offense

Just puffin' away on my cigarettes

Ah, but, two loads, loaded to haul

Backin' it slowly out of the stall

I'm a man in no hurry, with no worry

King of the road

...

© 2024 Brian McNeal

PUBLISHED 4/29/24    NATIONAL COWBOY POETRY GATHERING FAN PAGE

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*BIDEN AND ABBOTT*

Living In the wrong my friend
Ain't gonna keep you in the seat
And now you wear your sin like iron
Your heart is hard as a Philistine

Weren't your country's only one
But a criminal one it seems
We began to cry as our country died
And sank into your schemes

Biden was the POTUS boy
His mind was hard as was his will
He wore his hate right on his face
For all the honest blood he'd spill

Biden met his match you know
A little bit south of El Paso
Nobody heard his lying words
Ah but that's the way it goes

All the Federales play
They could have helped save the day
But they let the migrants slip right in
Out of kindness, I suppose

Abbott, tried to stop the tide
On the Texas border side
The trust that Biden broke you know
Ended up as Abbott's show

The day the truckers came to town
Abbott saved sacred ground
Where he got the big bankroll
There ain't nobody knows

All the Federales play
They could have helped save the day
But they let the migrants slip right in
Out of kindness, I suppose

Poets tell of the migrants' swell
And Biden's rating sunk to hell
The border's closed, the news is slow
How the story ends we'll never know

All the Federales play
They could have helped save the day
But they let the migrants slip right in
Out of kindness, I suppose

A few gray Federales say
We could have helped save the day
We only let it go so long
Out of blindness, I suppose

© 2024 Brian McNeal 

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ACHY BREAKY REVISITED (reconsti-tooted)

You can tell the world, you never ate the beans
You can walk away quickly when you're done
Or you can tell your friends just what a fool you've been
We'll swear and cuss about you on the phone

You can tell your tongue to leave the beans alone
You can tell your mind to forget your behind
Or you can tell your fork to go back in the drawer
You won't be needing it for beans no more

 

But don't try to fart, your stinky smelly fart

I just don't think we'd understand

And if you try to fart, a stinky, smelly fart

It might blow up and kill this man

You can sit and pout about your sauerkraut

Or you can lie and blame your dog

Or over spray the room with expensive perfume

Or keep still and let everyone assume

Or eat your pruny fruit, eat it til you toot

Make some thunder down under, break some wind

Or you can tell your friends, you'll try to make amends

You'll be feeling mighty chagrined

But don't light your fart, your stinky smelly fart

I just don't think we'd understand

'Cause if you light your fart, your stinky, smelly fart

It might blow up and kill this man

Ooh

(repeat til the cows come home or the methane gas makes a blast, whichever comes first)

© 2025 Brian McNeal

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STORMY

You were the payoff baby, to stay forever quiet
But I cuss you Stormy, today
All of a sudden, that ol' sin's fallin' down
And my world is cloudy and gray
I wish it gone today

Oh, Stormy, oh, Stormy
Bring back that money, hey

Yesterday's love was like a warm summer breeze
But like the weather, you changed
Now things are dreary, Stormy
And it's windy and cold
And I stand alone with the stain
Cussin' your name

Oh, Stormy, oh, Stormy
Bring back that money, hey

Oh, Stormy, oh, Stormy
Bring back that money, hey
Bring back that money, hey
Oh, Stormy, oh, Stormy

© 2024 Brian McNeal 

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TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO'VE CROSSED BEFORE

To all my friends who've crossed before
I can't seem to find the door
I'm glad you went across
Your gain is now my loss
To all my friends who've crossed before

For all the laws I've broke before
And may I say I've done my share
The ones in Mexico
And even more I know
For all the laws I've broke before

The Razor Wire is always showing
And every time I try to stay
The border man, he asks where I going
And they just carry me away

For all the times I paid a lot
That equal a mucho jackpot
I'm sad that they were wrong
The razor wire is too strong
For all the times I've tried before

To all the Rangers who arrested me
Who gave me all this anxiety
I wish I was never here
The rules are never clear
To all the times I've tried before

The Razor Wire is always showing
And every time I try to stay
The border man, he asks where I going
And they just carry me away

To all the wire that's in my way
And kept me from crossing today
La Migra doesn't want me here
Gringos make it hard to bear
To all the wire that's in my way

To my amigos who've gone ahead
You lucky hombres, you could be dead
I'm glad you made it north
But I'm stuck going back and forth
To my illegal amigos up north

The Razor Wire is always showing
And every time I try to stay
The border man, he asks where I going
And they just carry me away

© 2024 Brian McNeal 

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THE TIME, IT IS A-CHANGIN'

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the time shifts
Around us are blown
And accept it that soon
The time you have saved will be gone
If your time to you is worth savin'
Then you better wake up early
And get done what can be done
For the time it is a-changin'

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
Daylight time is a waste and a sin
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who that it's namin'
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the time it is a-changin'

Come senators, congressmen
Don't cheat the clock
Don't you turn it forward
Then turn it right back
For he that is late
Is he who took the bait
The battle of time is ragin'
It'll soon shake your norm
And your sleepy form
For the time it is a-changin'

The sun will set as it will
The time will be never still
The daylight now
Will later be dark
As the rich now
Will later be stark
The hour is rapidly fadin'
And two o'clock now
Will miss it's mark
For the time it is a-changin'

© 2025 Brian McNeal 

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SUBTERRANEAN HOSTAGE BLUES

She said Pahrump, and that rhymes with Trump
On a trip to the dump
Hauling a load down the road, hit a big bump
Out goes the lading; no sense in waiting, gotta make it to the gas pump

Hearin' some Haydn, which rhymes with Biden
Wanna go ridin'
Been a long time, ain't in my prime, don't need no chidin'
Vote no, vote yes, government is backslidin'

Mugwumps, speed bumps, fat rumps
Don'cha just think it's too much
Voters, jokers, pencil pokers.
Don'cha just need a soft touch

No good candidate; wish they would abdicate
No news, good news, not sure to vaccinate
Streaming car tunes, not the kind to animate
Contemplating, procrastinating, what's wrong with the magistrate

Legal eagles not so regal
Scrapping over the law like seagulls
Guilty, not guilty, someone feed the beagle
Ridicule the old fool, bottom of the pool, find a paralegal

Big doubts, dropouts, handouts
Don'cha just think it's too much
Old dogs, big hogs, in the fog
Don'cha just need a soft touch

Barbed wire, car tire, singin' with the immigrant choir
Secrets in boxes, no satire
It's a political quagmire
Conspire, look out for the gunfire, where's the umpire

The right to fight all day and all night
Take away the delight
Add the fright; no more good nights
Forget about hindsight, incite with insight, wait for the indict.

Hostages to the system
We can't restrain or resist 'em
Things are looking mighty grim out on a limb
Let's all sing a hymn

My country 'tis of thee
Sweet land of liberty
Of thee I sing

 © 2024 Brian McNeal 

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ALL ALONG THE BORDER WALL

(All Along The Watchtower)

Jimi Hendrix Song Parody

There must be some kind of way outta here

Said the migrant to the man

There's too many people here

There's more than I can stand

This wall built to hold us back

This river to cross

New rules, new game, new gimcrack

Always a new albatross

Hey, hey

No reason to get excited

The mirgrant sadly spoke

There are many here among us

Who feel this life is just a joke

But, uh, we have been through all that

And this can't be our fate

So let us stop talking falsely now

The hour's getting late

Hey, hey

All along the Border Wall

Migrants in the view

While policies came and went

Barefoot children too

Immigration, asylum, bad news

Hot or cold today

Some go in and some go out

Refuge is only a cliche

All along the Border Wall

 All along the Border Wall 

 © 2024 Brian McNeal 

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