POLKAS 'N POKEYS
Well you can do the Hokie Pokie
But you can't Polka in the Pokey
Do the Hand-Jive at the Graybar Hotel somehow
But no Jitterbug In the Jailhouse Now
But no Jitterbug In the Jailhouse Now
You can't Conga when you're in the Cooler
Or do the Bunny Hop unless you're a preschooler
Do the Bump if you want, but you can't Hustle in the Hold
Or you could do a Bojangles Tap, hot or cold
You can't Clog in the Gulag or Sluice in the CalabooseAnd the Lambada won't get you looseAin't no way to Swing or do the Highland Fling in Sing-SingAnd a Square Dance in the Box ain't no thing
You can't do the Pasodobles in the PenBut you can do the Horn in CheyenneAin't no Rock 'n Roll in The RockAin't no Bach behind the LockOh, you can dance in the YardAnd it ain't very hardCons in a Line-Dance is a real sightBut a Breakdance won't break you out tonightYou can't do the Fish Up the RiverOr the Swim without a Shimmy and a shiverYou can Watusi while you're waitingBut in the Stockade, there's no Skating
In the Slammer you can't do the Samba
And don't Edonga like they do in UgandaNever try the Hurdy-Gurdy in the Hoosegow
Or the Kalinka like they do in Moscow
Boogie and Ballet are both banned in the BastilleBut, before you do the Quickstep, practice your QuadrilleYou can't do, the Chicken, the Monkey or the Duck at The FarmDid I mention the Horse, the Pony, the Penquin or the Bomb?
You can't Limbo in the Lockup or Cajun Two-Step in the CageYou can't Disco in the Dungeon or Jig in the Brig regardless of ageJailbirds can do the Birdwalk but no Cakewalk for the deadTry a file for style with a Flamenco at Club Fed
No Boogaloo behind bars and no Electric Slide on the sideNo Freak Dancing or Zorba the Greek dancing on the Inside
No Wooly Booly in the Bullpen, no Jive in the JointNo Tarantella in the Tank, no Shag in the Stir, but that's the point
There's no Apple Bottom in Attica, no Fandango in FolsomNo Lindy in Leavenworth and no Soft Shoe in San QuentinIn the courthouse in Nashville, they've handed down a decisionYou can't do the Tennessee Waltz in The Tennessee State Prison
You can't do the Can-Can while you're in The CanYou ain't Dancin' With the Stars when you're dancin' with The ManRock Around the Clock will get you more timeBut that's the price for doing the crime
© 2025 Brian McNeal
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GRANDPA PLAYED THE SQUEEZEBOX
Grandpa played the old-style button accordian
He played at all the barn dances in the area
Dance all night - just give a quarter to the door guardian
From Oklahoma through Kansas into Nebraska
He played "Pretty Redwing," "Turkey In The Straw" and "Inka Dinka Doo"
Polkas, waltzes, two-steps and do-si-do, grab your partners and promenade
Folks would come from far and near just to hear the accordian guru
Dance the soles off their shoes, they did, wherever Grandpa played
All the young girls came early to the show when they heard his name
Only so much time to dance and they couldn't wait for the fiddler to tune
When Grandpa played he just hit the stage and lit the flame
Barn-burners, they called 'em - hotter than the stinger on a vinegarroon
Grandpa always played solo, the only musician on the stage
Simple songs to sing along, instrumentals with no words and songs with four chords
A big boomy voice to call the tunes - you could hear him out past the grange
Melody on the right, bass on the left and his foot beatin' time on the floorboards
Squeezin' out the tunes and callin' out the steps he kept the dance floor jumpin'
"Comin' Round the Mountain," "Bear Went Over the Mountain" and "Mountain Whippoorwill"
Fair ones to the inside, dandies wait your turn, kids are sittin' on the pumpkin
Ladies, if the gents won't dance with ya, then one of the kids will
Shoes nailed down, cow on the crown, smoochin' in the canebrakes, no end to the pranks
In summer they opened up both doors and when it was cold, they brought in heated rocks
Sawhorse bar, horseshoe over the door, lamplight and moonlight both kissing the dark
Dance till the broad daylight, oh what a delight, when Grandpa played the squeezebox
© 2025 Brian McNeal
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TWO-STEPPIN' WITH THE WRONG GAL
Dance with the one who brung ya, my pappy always saidDance with another and you might find yourself deadJail is a mighty comfortable place by comparisonDancin' with the devil's daughter is just bad medicine
Saturday night, far outta town, in a honkytonk hallDancin' with one, then another and finally allSittin' in a booth with friends, takin' a breatherIn the door, comes a husband lookin' for either
Found her on the dance floor with her lover
Blew the poor feller away before he ran for coverSheriff came to investigate and discoverThe dead guy wasn't really her lover
Just some bloke takin' his turn around the floorShe'd danced with one and then another and moreHer lover had left her there and headed for homeThe husband saw her and assumed what he didn't know
As the sheriff questioned each about what they sawI hid down low in the booth with knees knocking rawMy hands were shaking and my voice quiveredI could still hear the gun in my head as his shot delivered
The sheriff looked me over like a guilty manHe didn't believe me when I said the shooter ranHe wanted to know why my bladder was dribblin' on the floorI told him, "I'm the feller who was dancin' with her just before"
© 2025 Brian McNeal
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TWO-STEPPIN' COMES NATURALLY
Cowboys like to two-step, it's a cowboy thing
Band playin' on the stage, let the music ring
Fast or slow, don't matter no way, no how
A cowboy will two-step here and now
Cowboys love to dance like a hypnotist loves a trance
Like a gambler loves a chance and peacocks love to prance
There's a rhythm to a two-step for a cowboy that comes naturally
Like the lope of a horse — a western rhapsody
Ain't enough time in an evening to dance with every single girl
Doublin' up gives a cowboy a chance to give 'em all a twirl
Two-steppin with two at a time is multiplication, you bet
More shes than hes means you got to pay your debt
Choreographed movement to a beat in a line
Ain't the kind of sashayin' for which a cowboy pines
Real estate hogs is what cowboys always say
Take up the whole floor and still want more, okay
Waltzs are a different kind of fantastic
And cowboys will do it if they're drastic
Three steps with two feet movin' in time
Wonderful to watch, like slapstick pantomime
A cowboy will two-step in three-quarter time.
He'll make it work, 'cause he's got a cowboy mind
He'll look good, doin' it on the floor
The ladies all come back askin' for more
A cowboy band can't go wrong
If they play two-steps all night long
Fast or slow, a cowboy can give 'em a show
The bigger the dancefloor, the more do-si-do
Cowboys like to two-step, it's a cowboy thing
Band playin' on the stage, let the music ring
Fast or slow, don't matter no way, no how
A cowboy will two-step here and now
Cowboys love to dance like a hypnotist loves a trance
Like a gambler loves a chance and peacocks love to prance
There's a rhythm to a two-step for a cowboy that comes naturally
Like the lope of a horse — a western rhapsody
Ain't enough time in an evening to dance with every single girl
Doublin' up gives a cowboy a chance to give 'em all a twirl
Two-steppin with two at a time is multiplication, you bet
More shes than hes means you got to pay your debt
Choreographed movement to a beat in a line
Ain't the kind of sashayin' for which a cowboy pines
Real estate hogs is what cowboys always say
Take up the whole floor and still want more, okay
Waltzs are a different kind of fantastic
And cowboys will do it if they're drastic
Three steps with two feet movin' in time
Wonderful to watch, like slapstick pantomime
A cowboy will two-step in three-quarter time.
He'll make it work, 'cause he's got a cowboy mind
He'll look good, doin' it on the floor
The ladies all come back askin' for more
A cowboy band can't go wrong
If they play two-steps all night long
Fast or slow, a cowboy can give 'em a show
The bigger the dancefloor, the more do-si-do
© 2025 Brian McNeal
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A WYOMING CLAIM TO FAME
"Brother Love's Travelin' Salvation Show"
Might have begun in the corner of ol' Wyo.
Brother Love might have been travelin' out to Medicine Bow
"Forever In Blue Jeans"—proper attire for a Wyoming meadow
A "Solitary Man" too young to understand
Heard some tunes on the radio from Cheyenne
Early influences for fundamental development
Seeds planted for later songs so eloquent
A Wyoming start for a boy New York born and bred
East Coast, West Coast, no coast, "I Am, he Said"
He didn't stay long, just four years and gone
But what did he recall in later years that he could lean on?
Did the family picnic at Vedauwoo watching the hawks
Is that where he got the idea for "Love on the Rocks"?
Were the paintbrush and larkspur bloomin' in the spring showers?
Did he recall the image with "You Don't Bring Me Flowers"?
"I'm A Believer" that had he stayed, we might have heard something different
"Kentucky Woman" might have been "Laramie Woman," but more deliberate
A man lost between two shores says New York's home no more
Thinkin' back to your Wyoming life, can you recollect those early days of yore?
I recall picking cherries from an orchard just a little bit to the south
Whenever I heard "Cherry Cherry" on the radio, I had the taste in my mouth
When "Red Red Wine" was on the air, we made our own in a jug
"Cherry Cherry" pie on a plate and "Red Red Wine" in a coffee mug
No, he never wrote even one song while he lived in Wyo.
Those later diamonds were still just chunks of coal
You gifted the world with your songs most chiefly
Neil Diamond, you graced our state so briefly
"Brother Love's Travelin' Salvation Show"
Might have begun in the corner of ol' Wyo.
Brother Love might have been travelin' out to Medicine Bow
"Forever In Blue Jeans"—proper attire for a Wyoming meadow
A "Solitary Man" too young to understand
Heard some tunes on the radio from Cheyenne
Early influences for fundamental development
Seeds planted for later songs so eloquent
A Wyoming start for a boy New York born and bred
East Coast, West Coast, no coast, "I Am, he Said"
He didn't stay long, just four years and gone
But what did he recall in later years that he could lean on?
Did the family picnic at Vedauwoo watching the hawks
Is that where he got the idea for "Love on the Rocks"?
Were the paintbrush and larkspur bloomin' in the spring showers?
Did he recall the image with "You Don't Bring Me Flowers"?
"I'm A Believer" that had he stayed, we might have heard something different
"Kentucky Woman" might have been "Laramie Woman," but more deliberate
A man lost between two shores says New York's home no more
Thinkin' back to your Wyoming life, can you recollect those early days of yore?
I recall picking cherries from an orchard just a little bit to the south
Whenever I heard "Cherry Cherry" on the radio, I had the taste in my mouth
When "Red Red Wine" was on the air, we made our own in a jug
"Cherry Cherry" pie on a plate and "Red Red Wine" in a coffee mug
No, he never wrote even one song while he lived in Wyo.
Those later diamonds were still just chunks of coal
You gifted the world with your songs most chiefly
Neil Diamond, you graced our state so briefly
© 2025 Brian McNeal
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