COWBOY RHYMES: STICK PONIES 'N CAP PISTOLS

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THE JIG IS UP

Once upon a time,

A farmer had a rhyme, E-I-E-I-O

And for that rhyme,

He paid a dime. Yippie Yi Yo

And with that dime,

He drew a line, Heigh-de-ho, Heigh-de-ho

A line so very fine

Fine as turtle vine in old Ohio

And on that line,

He placed some twine, hi-de-hi-de-ho

And with that twine,

He walked his swine, Oh, what a fellow

He fed the swine;

Sweet brandywine, and yellow jello

Swine that tasted so fine

At dinnertime, roasted oh, so mellow

The farmer's pig,

He danced a jig, Yo-de-lay-de-hee.

He switched his place,

Just in case, Yo-de-lay-hee-ho

So the farmer ate,

What's on his plate, la-de-da, la-de-doh

What the farmer ate,

Was the stolen third base, do-da-day, do-da-doh

Now the game,

Just ain't the same, zippidy-doo-dah-day

What's a runner to do,

Stuck forever on two, no more game to play

Corn grows tall

Where bat and ball

Once ruled the roost

No more games produced, E-I-E-I OH NO!

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REEL COWBOY

He wasn't what some call the genuine deal
He learned his cowboy ways from the Saturday reel
Roy and Gene and Hoppy were his idols
He rode a stick horse with a shoestring bridle

He learned to rope from Will Rogers the most
He grew up throwin’ loops ‘round the bedpost
He liked to stick his chin out to look like Chuck Conners
He understood what's important for a cowboy to honor

Today he’s a successful business man with scrupples
Honesty, integrity, and manners, are his in oodles
He'd rather give away the herd than cheat a buyer
If there's a disagreement, he's always the unifier

His kids grew up with Ranger Doug, Too Slim and Woody Paul
Doing everything “The Cowboy Way” as I recall
Now his grandkids stream the old reels from his youth
Cowboys on demand, twenty four seven and that's the truth

A cowboy is not just what you might see on the outside
It's what he's learned in his life that he can apply
It's how he looks at the world and makes it work
When things are off-kilter, when everyone has gone berserk

A cowboy has to use his hands and his head
It's not enough to think someone else will do it instead
A problem solver day in and day out
That's what being a cowboy is all about

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THIRTY ONE DAYS OF SUMMER

When I was young and growing

The winters were cold and blowing

Summers were short and merry

July was the best month on the prairie

The shortest month of the year

Is the 31 days in July, I fear

Wyoming summertimes fly by fast

But they were the best times of my past

All the cousins by the dozens

Thrills every minute by the thousands

Not seen for a year or two

The only change was, we grew

A visit to the Black Hills one year

Next, Grandad's back yard with beer

Homemade ice cream for the kids

Poppin' wheelies and makin' skids

Family celebrations with good cheer

Something to look forward to each year

Then winter comes and steals the play

Cold winds night and day with skies of gray

Sping and Fall don't count for much

Winter grabs them in her clutch

But come Summer we'd get relief

Until Winter comes back like a thief

June and August sandwich July

Protecting her from Winter's pry

But for 31 days every year

We'd get Summer so very dear

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WHERE DID TRIGGER GO

Here Bullet, here boy, come here Bullet
Where did Trigger go? I wanted to know
He left the museum where we had his billet
It's all empty now, the treasures have no home

I can hear Roy calling: "Come Bullet, come Trigger
Every weekend at the kids' matinee movie show
"We've got bandits and rustlers, robbers and gold diggers"
And time's a wastin,' just one hour to whip the foe.

Life passes us by before we're really ready
Youth fades and age takes it's place
It helps to have a rock to keep you steady
Somehow Roy's pals always held that ace

Roy and Dale made memories indelible
Trigger and Bullet, TV stars on a new ranch
Bullet and Trigger, and don't forget Nellybelle,
Thanks to RFD, they've been given a second chance

© 2010 - 2024 Brian McNeal

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CHICKEN RACE

The rooster was a roaster that we brought home in a roadster

The chicken crossed the road in a race with a toad, sir

Winner take all was the call as the pair prepared to race

Chicken in the lead, all the way, they say, as the toad lost face

Run, chicken run, before your days are done. Col. Sanders will have his fun

The toad was sold without being told. The French chef had him stewin' in the sun

Chicken set the pace, the toad lost the race, dinner's on the table ready to taste

Let this be a lesson, stop your guessin', the chicken crossed with no time to waste.

Froggy went a sportin', he did cry, uh huh. Chicken Little was right, oh, so right, uh huh

Duck and cover, duck and cover, find a four-leaf clover, children hide in the night uh-huh

The sky is falling down, London bridge is falling down, everybody goes to town

Ring around the bathtub, bootleg whisky in the nightclub, ashes, ashes all fall down

It's not easy being green, or so it seems, just like a bean

Leaves are green and they die, leprechauns are green and can't be seen

Hens in the pen, pigs dance a jig, Kermit is a hermit, E-I-E-I-O,

A tisket, a tasket, chicken in a basket, fries on the side, it's a fast food scenario

Finger lickers, feather pickers, froggy giggers and toad stickers

Eatin's good in the neighborhood with applewood on the smoker

Cackleberries from the dairy, frog legs hoppin' in the pan

Count your chickens every day and twice on Sunday if you can

A race can be a place or people without a steeple

What's on your face deserves some grace, just like an eagle

There's no shame in the game whether you're a chicken or a toad

Count your blessings, no matter your dressings or the weight of your load

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KIT 'N KABOODLE

This is a story about a boy with three great friends
A story about how much they tried and would not give in
Three great friends trying hard to win
Kit and Kaboodle, Teaberry and Griffin

Now Kit was a fifteen hundred pound brahma
Kaboodle was a pure white, fifteen pound poodle
Across the fence was Teaberry, the neighbor's Llama mama
And all three just loved to eat hot apple strudel

Hot apple strudel, steaming, fresh from the oven
A bull, a Llama, a poodle and Griffin, just the heppest
They could eat apple strudels by the dozen
Four good friends, sitting at a table, having breakfast

Sometimes Kit would lay down under the old apple tree
Sometimes he'd lay down in the barn on his bed of straw
But in the fall, he preferred the shade under the tree
"Cause that's where he could eat apple strudel raw

Teaberry would stand near the fence where a few would fall
And Kaboodle picked up the leavings that fell back to the ground
BJ, the bluejay up in the tree with his bluejay bird call
Said he'd come down and help out if any crumbs were around

Did you ever see a bluejay with a trumpet before?
He performed on stage for audiences of all types
His stage name was: "Little Boy Blue come blow your horn"
He played with a cat in a hat with red and white stripes

Now whenever BJ would play, up in the tree or on a stage
Kaboodle would dance and sing like a poodle celebrity
Sometimes for big money, and sometimes for union wage
Sometimes just for tips and sometimes for charity

Whenever Griffin took Kit to the show ring for a prize
Kaboodle had to tag along by any means do-able
If ever she was left behind, she'd get weepy eyes
So, almost always, it was Griffin and Kit and Kaboodle

Sometimes, Teaberry, the Llama, would pack a load
It might be a far piece away that they had to travel
If they spent the day, they'd have lunch on the road
As long as Teaberry didn't throw her pack and unravel

One day, Teaberry came home with Bah Bah
A black sheep with too much wool
Sheep shears sharp, and she became a Chihuahua
Say that five times and you've said a mouthful

Dancin' lessons for Teaberry and pretty soon she could shuffle
Did you ever see a mama llama in a competition?
Well she could chew her cud and chew the gum from her duffle
Wouldn't you know she made the morning paper, first edition

Now it's Kit in the ring with a dog that can sing
But there's competition from a man from St. Ives
With his collection of cats and things,
It was difficult to say, just who would get first prize

Then along came Georgie Porgy with a puddin' pie
Tempted them cats right outta the show
But Kit and Kaboodle didn't even try
Apple strudel is the only temptation they know

Another win for a fifteen hundred pound bull and a fifteen pound dog
Teaberry, Bah Bah, and BJ clappin' hands and stompin' feet
Prize money to buy more apple strudel and go whole hog
No offense to Miss Piggy, the three little pigs or Arnold on Green Acres TV

Fairs entered and prizes won, ribbons and trophies galore
Never a day without play for a big Brahma bull and a poodle
Now the four of them are forever bound up in the folklore
Fun and fame for all, the whole Kit and Kaboodle

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HOW WE BEAT THE HEAT

Long ago on a hot summer's day
The biggest thrill comin' from the top of the hill
Was the Meadow Gold milkman on his way

He'd throw us some ice chunks from his truck
We'd scramble and wiggle, tussle and giggle
To get the biggest chunk was good luck

The ice cream man had a fancier outfit
Tunes you could hear with a deaf ear
Popsicles, fudgesicles and a jingle that wouldn't quit

But we liked the milkman best
Kids at play on a July day
He never refused our request

Popsicles cost a hard-earned nickle, you see
They tasted good, just like they should
But the milkman gave us ice for free

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ROCK 'N ROLL GOALS

Did you hear what happened when famous rock drummer Mick Fleetwood
Visited his old Kindergarden class the other day
The kids all got excited and asked questions about his childhood
And some of them wanted to know how much he got on payday

The teacher helped by asking about his stage routine
The kids were completely spellbound for more than an hour
He told them of all the places around the world where he'd been
He told them about fans and autographs and rock 'n roll power

Later that day when little Johnny was telling his mother in the car
He no longer wanted to be a cowboy 'cause he took a rock 'n roll oath
He told her when he grew up he wanted to be a rock 'n roll star
His mom quickly told him she was sorry, but he couldn't do both

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THE GECKO SIDEKICK

I'll bet you've seen a pirate with a parrot
Maybe even a grinder with a monkey
A used car salesman with a dog spot
And maybe a biker with bimbo chunky

Parrotheads are in all the margarita bars.
And a singing cowboy wears sheep on his legs
Stuffed cats are stuck to rear windows on cars
Siegfried and Roy got their circus cats to beg

But have you ever seen a pet gecko
Shading himself under a cowboy hat
Singing along with his own echo
Now whadda ya think about a pet like that?

He wasn't very big, but he was quick
He was so small and low to the ground
The saddle we got for him didn't fit
The stirrups couldn't hang down

Don't know what could've ridden him
Maybe a honeybee with a stinger on the back
Maybe a ladybug if she be small and thin
But it'd have to be bareback, sans any sort'a tack

He liked to lay around and soak up the sun
But when he moved, he moved like a missile
It was his idea of what a gecko does for fun
Goin' after a spider with his high-pitched whistle

Feedin' him was pretty darn cheap
Roaches and beetles, live or pelletized
But the farrier who shod his feet
Had to be precise and very stylized

Don't know exactly from where he came
He just appeared one day, and he just was
Since he hung around, we gave him a name
From that day on he was the Lizard of Oz

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THE LIFE OF A SOLDIER

With his wooden sword

He kills the fence posts

All along the pathway

Charging like a warrior

Just as brave as he can be

Killing one, then another

As they stand in a row

Christian with Buck in tow

Four years old and a day

King of all he can see

Bath towel pinned on his shirt

A cape for his campaign

Down the lane he charges

Fence posts standing guard

Dying one by one as they go

Christian with Buck in tow

Six years old and a day

Off to school on the bus

Buck stays home and waits

Til four o'clock at the stop

With stick in hand they walk along

Killing fence posts as they go

Years go by as they grow

Christian with Buck in tow

Older Buck lies on the porch

Christian's gone to fight the war

Who misses who the most

Is the hardest thing to tell

One without the other

Lost and lonely far away

None can know what Buck now thinks

When Christian fails to show

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BEAR FEET (and Other Silly Things)

Bear feet are bare feet,

A bear with shoes is a feat

Bear feet, with shoes, or pants,

still can't dance at a fête

Grin and bear it,

the bear market is a rub

Bear left at the cave

and bear a cub

A duck in the duct

can't duck his head.

A bat can't swing a bat.

Now, what do you think 'bout that?

A ram can ram,

but he can't drive a Ram

The bull is full of bull,

but he can tell no bull

The crane perched

on the tallest crane,

Then craned his neck,

looking for the plane

The seal was sealed up tight

In the shipping box,

With windows for light

so he could see-all.

Can a crow crow

like a rooster?

Or boast

like a "Hoosier"?

A five point buck

Is worth more than three

But, worth more than a dollar,

a buck will never be

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STRUNG UP, CUT DOWN AND RE-HUNG

When I was a TV star, I was never alone and I hung from strings that were made

And the only thing that I ever did wrong was to get too near the blade

Strings for arms and strings for legs and for my head and mouth too

And the only thing that I never should have done was to be named the Froggy Froggy Doo

There I was, all alone and just hanging in my place

I've a nice little spot way out in the back where I used to stay

But they found me there and kidnapped me and they ransomed me too

All because of my TV fame and being named Froggy Froggy Doo

Well now, all the kids were so sad because they missed me very much

They hunted high and low, field and stream, even in my hutch

Beside themselves with grief and worry they knew not what to do

The papers said, that I might be dead, you'll see no more of the Froggy Froggy Doo

But they found me along the fence, in pieces everywhere

With magic and glue they fixed me with a woodshop prayer

To be green again, with a friend, now I'm no longer blue

Now you can turn the TV on, hear my song, sing along, loud and strong with the Froggy Froggy Doo

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STICK PONIES 'N CAP PISTOLS

COWBOY RHYMES

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